pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
