Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
