Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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