So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
