i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
