He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
