'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
