I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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