So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
