its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
