I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
third nipple confirmed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
