That's when you crack a 10am beer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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