Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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