I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
