TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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