How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
