nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
