I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
