You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
