I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
