I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
