she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
