I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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