areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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