Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
