I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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