summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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