my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
