They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
MIDGETS
????
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
