Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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