this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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