Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I enjoy the company of your penis
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