you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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