Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
