Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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