Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
