I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
