if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
