Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
