I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
