I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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