Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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