she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
