wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize