what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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