Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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