That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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