its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
