My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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