Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
