you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
