we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
