I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
