i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
