I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im holly from the hills drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
