I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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