Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize