We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
