She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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