U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
