FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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