porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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