so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you never un-have a 4some
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
