I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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