i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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