I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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