what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My penis needs a shock collar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize