He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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