i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
