sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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