I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
