Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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