sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
