Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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